


Operation Ruby

by HufflepuffLovesPizza



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Happy Galentine's Day, Remake of Parks and Rec's Operation Ann with OUAT characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 13:53:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17768027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HufflepuffLovesPizza/pseuds/HufflepuffLovesPizza
Summary: Remake or wordip of Parks and Rec's episode Operation Ann (same everything except with OUAT characters). Regina sends Emma on a Valentine's Day scavenger hunt and tries to find a date for Ruby.





	Operation Ruby

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching Parks and Rec when I realized Regina Mills and Leslie Knope had some similarities and wondered if they would be government gals. I think they might, Leslie does love magic since she graduated from Hogwarts online and Regina is very good at making sure all her friends and family are taken care of. 
> 
> Thank You so very very very much for all the help to Alternate8reality for the kickass editing, suggestions and support :-) Happy Galentine's Day!

It was a nice chilly morning. No new monsters or curses this week and the sun was shining on this brisk February day, in Storybrooke.

Regina sat at a table with Snow, Zelena, Belle and Kathryn having brunch at Granny’s Diner. Ruby waltzed out from the kitchen with a fresh pitcher of mimosas and sat down at the end of the table.

“Is this going to be an annual thing? Lady brunch celebrating gal pals?” Ruby asked gulping down another glass of heavily spiked orange juice.

“What an excellent idea Miss Lucas,” Regina pulled out her phone and opened the voice memo app, “Draft a new Storybrooke town charter declaring a female friendship day akin to our twin town of Pawnee.” She flipped her hair back and dropped the phone back in her purse.

“Where’s Emma?” Snow asked as she took a hearty sip of her drink.

“I didn’t invite her, this lunch is for celebrating our friendships…” Regina began to say before she was cut off.

“Aren’t you friends with Emma?” Snow looked confused with furrowed brows.

“Pretty sure she enjoys the sex more than the friendship part when it comes to Emma,” Ruby blurted out.

Snow had just taken another sip of mimosa and choked on the statement, coughing hard, trying to breathe.

“Ruby please,” Regina raised her eyebrows to her friend, begging her to lay off the sex talk in front of her girlfriend’s mother...who also happened to be her friend. It was all a little too close knit for Regina’s liking sometimes. “I enjoy all the parts of Emma.”

“I bet you do,” Ruby snorted while ignoring another scathing look from Regina.

Snow started coughing again; so much that even Zelena was afraid Snow might vomit across the table so she patted her on the back.

“Emma is…my best friend so it seemed unfair to invite her to this brunch,” Regina felt her cheeks warm, wishing she could hold down the stupid blush she knew that was spreading over her face. “And I celebrate that every day.” She thought how they had celebrated last night and how she hoped to celebrate again tonight, squeezing her legs together willing herself to ignore the throbbing just thinking of more intense naked celebrating.

Snow leaned over and touched Regina’s hand. “It’s okay Regina. I’m happy you two finally figured things out. All the staring was getting very uncomfortable.”

“You mean the eye fucking? Yeah, gross,” Ruby snorted again and dodged a biscuit that was thrown at her by Belle.

Regina and Emma had only been dating a few weeks so everything was new. They wanted to keep some stuff to themselves, however, living in a small, magical gossipy town was proving that impossible.

“Let’s talk about other people’s personal relationships. Who would like to start, Zelena?” Regina asked her sister with a hopeful change of topic from herself and Emma.

“I have several people in rotation, one is waiting for me out in the car,” Zelena gave a smug laugh; at the table full of shocked faces. “Don’t worry, I rolled down a window.” 

“Snow, you’re the old married broad here. How is David?” Regina took a swig of her mimosa.

“Well, last week he was supposed to buy gas, but instead he bought novelty cookie cutters so now everything we eat is shaped like dinosaur. He’s amazing and Emma loves it.” Snow had a dreamy look in her eyes as she smiled at everyone at the table.

Regina shook her head and said in a thinly veiled sarcastic tone, “Great.” She really did fall in love with an idiot; an utterly sexy, adorable idiot who loved children’s food.

“And David and I discovered stuff on the Internet…and it’s really spiced up…everything…” Snow got a dreamy look on her face and she fingered the rim of her glass.

Regina cut off Snow with a slightly disgusted look, not wanting to hear about Snow and David’s sex life. “Ruby, can you start talking? Please.”

“I’m in a bit of a lull right now but…I’m so glad all of you have someone to care about,” Ruby took the entire pitcher of mimosa and started drinking.

Regina could see sadness in Ruby’s eye, her wolf friend was lonely and she was going to help.

After several more rounds of drinks and girl talk, the group started to disperse. Ruby still worked some shifts at Granny’s so out of habit she started cleaning up the table while Regina watched. 

“Oh, Ruby you beautiful musky sexy spinster wolf,” Regina smiled as she watched her friend. “I will find you love.” Regina said in a low determined voice as if she was casting another curse.

“What? Did you say something?” Ruby lifted up her head and stared at Regina.

“No, Miss Lucas,” Regina smiled as she gathered up her purse to leave the diner.

Regina decided right then and there, Ruby would have a date for Valentine’s Day. She would call it, Operation Ruby.

*****

Regina smiled as she pulled into her parking space at City Hall, the next morning. Her favorite, begrudgingly, car in the world; that hideous yellow bug was parked next to her spot and her favorite, unbegrudgingly, blonde in the world, Emma, leaned against it holding a cup of coffee.

“Morning Sheriff,” Regina smiled as she stepped out of her car. 

“Madam Mayor,” Emma handed over the coffee to Regina with a huge grin. Even though they had only been separated a few hours, it felt much too long.

They both did well suppressing the urge to brush lips as they had both decided to keep things professional in public places. 

“You have to stop talking about sex stuff in front of my mom, she gets so weirded out. She would not make eye contact with me all day yesterday,” Emma followed as Regina walked towards the entrance to City Hall.

“All I said was that I always wear the strap on,” Regina tilted her head to smirk at Emma.

“You didn’t last night,” Emma jumped in front of Regina to open the door for her.

Regina stopped and turned, pressing her lips to Emma’s ear, “That was a one time thing and your pre-Valentine’s gift.” Heat and a swarm of butterflies flooded Regina’s body as she thought about last night.

“Don’t you mean…your pre-Valentine’s gift,” Emma said with a smug grin that spread even wider seeing a blush color Regina’s cheeks. Oh yeah, last night had been fun. “You nearly passed out.”

When they got to the door of Regina’s office, Emma stepped behind her girlfriend and covered Regina’s eyes with her hands. Slowly leading the brunette into her office toward a gift waiting for Regina on her desk chair.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Emma suddenly lifted her hands over Regina’s eyes. 

Regina stood stunned for a second then laughed.

“Thor Swan? A few weeks ago I have a dream about a swan that is half Thor and half swan and you make her real?” the affection in Regina’s voice big and unabashed towards the blonde.

Regina walked over to her desk and picked up her gift, hugging the soft stuffed swan with a red cape, a little blonde wig, wearing a winged silver hat and holding a tiny stuffed hammer to her chest. Regina lowered the stuffed animal to pull Emma flush against her entire body. She leaned in kissing Emma hard and deep, pushing her tongue into Emma’s welcoming mouth. They both moaned as the blonde further deepened the kiss and ran her hands down Regina’s backside taking hold of her ass. After indulging in a few more heated moments, Regina reluctantly pulled away before the urge to bend Emma over her desk, along with Thor Swan was too much to ignore.

“I might have made a matching costume for myself which I might wear for you tonight,” Emma raised her eyebrows suggestively towards Regina.

Regina could not believe how lucky she was to have a found a goof who indulged her secret comic book fantasies. “I thought we agreed no gifts because it was stupid. I got you something too.” Regina said the last part in a rushed, excited voice. 

She walked behind her desk, opened a drawer, and returned to Emma slowly with a smirk on her face.

“You got me a bomb?” Emma’s raised her eyebrows as she looked down at the cryptex in her hands then back up to Regina.

“No, it’s a cryptex like in the movie The DaVinci Code…” Regina leaned in and placed a long, lingering kiss on Emma’s neck, “…which was the first movie we watched together that you fell asleep to.”

“That seems really specific,” Emma leaned back to stare at Regina, with an adorable, confused expression.

“Inside it will tell you where to meet me at nine tonight. The combination is a five letter code that captures the essence of our third date,” Regina moved her lips up to Emma’s cheek, having her lips on any part of Emma’s body sent wet heat pooling between her legs. She pulled back a little then squinted her eyes at Emma. “So I’ll see you tonight, later in that Thor Swan costume…unless you can’t crack the code.” Regina smiled seductively at Emma.

“Oh, I can crack your code, easy peasy,” Emma blew out a big sigh and puffed out her chest in mock bravado.

 _Two hours later_...Emma sat in her chair at the Sheriff’s station still frantically turning the gears of the cryptex and starting to seriously contemplate using a hammer. 

“I have no idea what the code is,” her head fell down on her desk with a loud thump.

*****

Meanwhile, at the library, Regina hosted a meeting for Operation Ruby. Gathered around one table in the back were Granny, Snow, David, Belle, and Zelena.

“Thank you all for being here, let’s get started,” Granny said out loud to the entire table.

“Wow, great attitude Granny,” Regina smiled at the older woman as she stood at the head of the table.

“What? Oh Sorry, I was actually talking to these ribs,” Granny leaned down and started chewing away on a big plate of ribs in front of her.

“Okay, so today is Valentine’s Day and we have one task, Ruby Lucas is currently single and looking to mingle. I need each one of you to bring an eligible candidate to the Rabbit Hole tonight to meet her ” Regina could tell her sister was about to interject and add herself.

“Ruby isn’t totally hideous, she’s even kinda hot. Why does she need our help?” Zelena sneered while looking up at her sister.

“Because that’s what friends do Zelena, they help friends find happiness,” Regina stared at her sister.

Regina had mounted a slideshow to show examples of what to look for help in finding Ruby a date.

“The last guy she dated she ate and he’s dead, so we need to think outside of the box. So when we’re thinking of prospective sweethearts we need to think of people who are attractive,” Regina clicked through her slideshow and a photo of Ryan Gosling popped up. “And smart,” she clicked to the next slide which was Ruth Bader Ginsburg, “and kind,” another slide went up that was a photo of a golden retriever, “so if you’re wondering what kind of person is right for Ruby all you have to do is ASK.” Regina smiled to herself over her fancy, informative slideshow.

Zelena shook her head and reached over to try and grab one of Granny’s ribs but got her hand swatted away with a hard slap.

Regina started on her next slide, “Also, for Ruby…you need to find someone educated and friendly and fun…”

“Just tell us the damn word,” Granny lifted up another rib and tore off some meat into her mouth.

“Effervescent…they need to be effervescent,” Regina, momentarily deflated, went quickly through her slides spelling out effervescent: educated, friendly, fun, egalitarian, robust, vigorous, enthusiastic, sexy, courteous, empathic, not pigeon toed and talented. 

Everyone around the table looked confused, especially Snow and David.

Zelena leaned on the table and asked seriously, “Quick question about Ruby, does anybody know if she has any magic in her?”

“Nobody respond,” Regina shook her head glaring at Zelena. “No one say anything.”

Everyone around the table looked annoyed at Zelena for her crass question, except David who looked confused.

“Just curious, if Ruby has any magic in her,” Zelena asked in a somewhat believable, honest face and tone.

“Silence,” Regina continued to glare at Zelena and watch everyone around the table, making sure no one indulged her sister.

“I don’t think she does,” David pulled on his ear in deep thought.

“Would she like some?” Zelena leaned over to David with a devilish leer.

Everyone around the table groaned in annoyance.

“Ooh gross,” Snow glared at Zelena. 

“Damnit David,” echoed around the table.

*****

Emma walked down Main Street studying the cryptex and not really paying attention where she was walking. She almost smashed directly into Hook who stared at her hands with a concentrated face.

“What you got there luv? A Cryptex?” Hook grabbed the cylinder puzzle from her hand and started rotating the pieces.

“How do you know what a cryptex is? You can’t even recognize a smart phone,” Emma tried to grab it back from the man she dated briefly.

“I know what things are,” Hook scoffed back at Emma. “Which end does the smoke come out of?” He moved the locked puzzle from side to side inspecting it intently.

Emma rolled her eyes; she grabbed the cryptex from Hook’s hand. “Regina hid the location of our Valentine’s meeting place in here, I’ve tried every 5 letter word that has anything to do with our third date,” Emma tried another combination and stomped her foot when the cryptex didn’t open.

“Have you tried ****?” Hook gave Emma serious stare.

“That’s a four letter word,” Emma turned slightly so Hook couldn’t see her try that combination on the cryptex.

“*****?” Hook said with an arched eyebrow and cocky grin.

“No, that’s not it,” Emma could feel her face warming. She wasn’t going to tell her ex-boyfriend that particular word happened on her and Regina’s first date when she never went to second base with him.

“Yeah, you were one that never really put out, not like my real love,” Hook winked at Emma.

“I’m happy you and Tinkerbell consummated your…true love?” Emma smiled, she was glad Hook found someone and stopped moping around her. They had even become friends now.

“Many times, including this morning,” Hook watched Emma study her cryptex and try again to open it. “Well, you are the second smartest person I know. You should ask the first smartest person I know.”

“I can’t ask Regina, it’s her scavenger hunt,” Emma tried another failed combination.

“No, not Regina. C’mon luv,” Hook motioned for her to follow him.

 _Minutes later_...they entered Granny’s diner and a few more minutes later they explained the cryptex and scavenger hunt to Granny. The older woman looked up at Emma with furrowed brows. 

“Have you tried ****?” Granny examined the cryptex in her hands.

“Yes, why is that everyone’s first suggestion?” Emma widened her eyes. She could feel her face warming again, maybe her and Regina should have waited for their third date. In reality that wasn’t an option, they had barely made through half of their first date before they were tearing each other’s clothes off.

“Just smart people luv,” Hook said with a smug grin as he stared at the cryptex in Granny’s hands.

Granny studied the cryptex in her hand. “Yes, yes. I think I can help.” She reached under the diner counter and brought up a large carpenter’s hammer and in one hard swift action, slammed it down on the cryptex and sending smashed pieces everywhere. Emma jumped up with wide eyes.

Hook lunged for the rolled up parchment that flew out onto the counter. Emma reached for it, but Hook’s damn hook nailed it first. “Give it to me,” Emma snatched the scroll from Hook.

Emma read the note first to herself and then aloud as the confusing riddle made no sense to her. Hook and Granny both stood motionless in thought.

“The murals with the heart you see, look to the first and there, you’re next clue will be,” Emma dropped her hands in frustration and groaned.

“The first letter of each mural with a heart on it will spell out the clue…” Granny shouted out the answer excitedly, Emma and Hook turned to her with wide eyes and surprised faces, “…or something.”

“How did you get that?” Emma stared still wide-eyed at Granny.

“You don’t live in a village with Rumpelstiltskin for sixty some years and not have a little something rub off,” Granny arched her back and took off her apron.

Emma gave a shrug, the older woman could not only make the best bear claws in any realm, Granny could also solve hard riddles.

“Let’s go check out those murals,” Granny left Emma and Hook in her dust and she walked swiftly out of her own establishment.

“To City Hall aye!” Hook yelled with his pointed hook in the air and the three of them raced off.

*****

At the Rabbit Hole, Regina waited near the entrance with Zelena when David walked in with a dark haired man that was surprisingly pretty attractive.

“Regina, I found a date for Ruby,” David said proudly while he pointed to the dark haired man standing way to close him.

“David, well done,” Regina smiled at David then smiled at the possible date for Ruby.

“I put an ad on Storybrooke Singles that said man seeking man for a night of casual fun and Eddy responded right away,” David said proudly.

Eddy leaned into David’s personal space, “I’ll meet you inside.”

“Okay,” David smiled with a huge grin. “Thanks Eddy.”

“You hired a male escort,” Zelena snorted.

“A what?” David’s excited face fell flat gradually as his confusion tuned to wide-eyed panic like a balloon being deflated slowly.

“Please, get your gigolo out of here,” Regina said in her most professional tone staring hard at David.

David gasped and ran off further into the Rabbit Hole to find Eddy.

*****

Once Emma, Granny and Hook arrived at City Hall, they separated and searched all the murals in the building. There were a surprisingly large number of them painted in the building, each one a secret homage to the Enchanted Forest that Regina had commissioned from local artists. 

The three scavenger hunters ran into each other on the second floor. All of them out of breathe, having run around the building searching out and inventorying all the scenes.

“Okay, I wrote down the ones from the other hallways,” Hook lifted up his leather sleeve to start reading off the titles written on his arm. “There’s Castle Slaughter, Lament of the Fairies, Needless Slaughter, Slaughter Gone Wrong, Eating the Dwarf, It’s Raining Royal Blood, and Death Everywhere.” He pulled down his leather jacket sleeve over his arm.

Emma winced hearing all the titles and actually felt glad that she didn’t grow up in the Enchanted Forest.

Granny was in deep thought, her eyebrows furrowed going over the clues.

“Great, thanks. I got it from here. I hope I didn’t screw up your Valentine’s Day too much,” Emma smiled at both Hook and Granny appreciatively.

“Tinkerbell hates Valentine’s Day. And brunch. And outside. And smiling.” Hook rubbed his own hook with a dopey look on his face. “I love her.”

“Wait. I figured it out. The letters unscrambled say, ‘No food finer, clue 3 at Granny’s diner’!” Granny yelled and gave herself a fist pump. “How many clues are there exactly?”

Emma had wide eyes in bewilderment. The older woman started sprinting off down the hall.

“Well, back to your place. Thanks Granny,” Emma yelled after Granny as she followed closely behind, with Hook in tow. 

*****

Regina made the rounds of the Rabbit Hole, she had seen Zelena leave and now her sister was returning with something being pulled behind her.

“You’re back,” Regina strained her head to see what was behind her scheming sister.

“I am and I brought a date for Ruby,” Zelena moved aside to present her find.

“Are you kidding me? You brought a flying monkey?” Regina pursed her lips.

“What? Your girlfriend dated one. Almost married one,” Zelena laughed as she stroked under her flying monkey’s chin.

Regina was about to stomp off when Ruby entered the Rabbit Hole.

“Hey, you’re here. We weren’t talking about you,” Regina said quickly. “How are you?”

“Well, it’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single, I’m hanging out a bar with a bunch of couples so it’s kind of super depressing,” Ruby pulled down on her dress with a frown. “Remind me why I let you talk me into this, again.”

“Well it’s no worse than a wedding where you were once betrothed to the prince and you’re the only princess there without a king so the queen makes you dance to the Enchanted Forest equivalent of Single Ladies by yourself.”

“Omg, did that happen to you?” Ruby’s eyes go wide with Regina’s story.

“Maybe,” Regina said very quickly and steered Ruby towards the bar, “C’mon, let’s get a drink then hang out…with some people.”

*****

Over at Granny’s diner, Emma read the clue over again and again, “My loves at Granny’s diner. I think she means me and my favorite food.”

Granny and Emma went straight to the pastry display to look at the bear claws, while Hook started harassing customers by lifting up their plates and displacing their meals. “Haven’t found anything yet!”

Finally, they found the clue underneath the biggest bear claw. While Granny read the clue with a puzzled expression on her face, Emma helped herself think with a huge bite of the sweet pastry.

“Follow me to the sheltered snow, only 22 clues left to go,” Granny read the clue aloud with a huge grin on her face. “Regina is an amazing woman.”

“22?” Emma ran her hands through her hair forgetting they with sticky with frosting. “Well, this is the woman I’ve chosen to love.” She let out a tired sigh.

“Chosen really? Don’t you mean more like destined?” Hook arched his eyebrows to Emma. 

“No, I’ve got free will,” Emma puffed out her chest a bit.

“When it comes to Regina?” Hook asked with a knowing smirk while untangling his hook from a customer’s salad.

“Well, I guess there is nothing to do but spend the entire night methodically solving this puzzle,” Granny said in a giddy voice.

“There’s no way we’ll finish in time. I’ll make a list of places in town we been together and hope we luck out and find the last clue.” All Emma wanted was to see Regina naked again and this was her gauntlet to face before getting to her happy naked ending tonight.

“Let’s split up, we’ll cover more ground,” Granny pointed to Emma and Hook, “Move!”

*****

Back at the Rabbit Hole, Snow walked up with Blue to the table Regina and Ruby were standing at and drinking.

“Seriously, Snow?” Regina gave both women a side eye and big sigh.

Ruby watched the interaction with furrowed brows, not having any idea what was going on. And certainly not that she was being set up with mother superior aka the head fairy.

“Ruby…you know…Blue,” Regina said very begrudgingly, “She crushes fairies' dreams and creeps people out.”

“Regina, that is not accurate,” Snow said in a soft voice and smiled at Blue.

“Blue, what do you bring to the table for this fierce sexy she-wolf?” Regina turned to Blue and stared intensely at her nemesis. 

“I created the curse that brought us all here,” Blue smiled at Ruby nervously.

“Thank you, next,” Regina almost did a sing-song Ariana Grande dismissal with a hand gesture waving away to Blue.

Snow grabbed Blue’s elbow and lead her away from the table.

“Regina, what’s going on?” Ruby squinted her eyes hard at her friend. “You said we were just meeting up for drinks while Emma finishes your ridiculous scavenger hunt. And possibly dinner since she probably wouldn’t find all the clues and wander aimlessly around the town all night.”

“I thought we could talk to some single people in town...just to see if there were any sparks,” Regina shrugged while offering a gentle smile to Ruby. 

Ruby wanted to be mad but here were her couple friends spending their Valentine’s night setting her up with people. She couldn’t stop the grin spreading across her face, even if this evening was going to be a lost cause. 

“Sure, why the hell not,” Ruby picked up her drink and drained her whole glass. “Bring it on.” 

*****

Emma ran into the library and was surprised to see Zelena sitting behind the front desk. 

“I don’t know where to find that book, just go over there,” Zelena waved off a little girl to the old fashioned card catalogs to look up books and rolled her eyes.

“Zelena, what are you doing here?” Emma looked at her possible and very probable sister-in-law with a strange look. “I thought you were at the Rabbit Hole with Regina?”

“I’m poofing back and forth between the two, it’s called magic darling,” Zelena said in a smug tone. 

Emma shook her head, she hoped Regina’s operation of finding a date for Ruby was going well. At least better than her clue hunting was going. 

“I’m working the late shift at the library on Valentine’s Day so Belle can have a date with dreadful Gold. I’m living my best life,” Zelena drummed her fingers on the counter. “I know you’re here looking for Regina’s dumb clue. I’m supposed to tell you, the clue is in a book.” She waved her hand to the library.

Emma looked around the library with all the books, everywhere.

“She said you would be here before 4pm, not doing so good huh?” Zelena propped herself up on her elbows to watch the blonde running around like a love struck fool.

Emma ran around the library, pulling out books, searching for the elusive clue scroll.

“Nope. Not it,” Zelena stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. “You really suck at this.” This was amusing to watch, her sister was still quite wicked at heart.

“You could just tell me which book it is!” Emma waved her hand around the hundreds, possible thousand of books in the library.

“And spoil the fun? No way,” Zelena leaned back in her chair and smiled at Emma.

Emma started running frantically around the library opening books and shaking them. Then her mind snapped. Graphic novels. She ran over to the graphic novel section and tried several books.

“Found it!” Emma shouted and held the scroll up in the air with a triumphant shake of her arm.

“Oh, wait that might be from another scavenger hunt,” Zelena said in her snarkiest tone.

*****

Snow walked back up to Regina and Ruby’s table, guiding Leroy there in his best suit. His dress shirt open halfway for some reason. 

“Snow we are trying to find a date for Ruby, not drive her into a deeper depression or possibly give her a hairball,” Regina made a disgusted face while looking at Leroy’s open shirt, proudly showcasing a bushel of chest hair.

“Why don’t you leave and go meet Emma, not that I want to know what the two of you are going to do tonight,” Snow shook her head with her eyes closed.

Regina smirked, she knew Snow was still adjusting to her dating, her daughter. It was a rather surprising turn of events, but yet also felt like the most natural thing she has ever felt in her life.

“Emma is on a scavenger hunt looking for my clues,” Regina looked at Snow’s wide eyes. “Clues from around town, our lives. Not some sex hunt.” She cursed herself for saying sex again as the woman’s face went pale.

Snow cringed, “Can you not mention the ‘s’ word in the same sentence as my daughter?”

Regina rolled her eyes, “The clues are really hard, and I’m worried Emma might not figure them out.”

Regina got lost in her thoughts for a moment when Leroy cleared his throat and brought her attention back to the table. “Leroy, what do you bring to the table for a goddess who can track a smell for over 500 miles?”

“I’m very good at relaying news…” Leroy didn’t get to finish.

“Thank you, next.” Regina glared at Snow to lead Leroy away. 

Ruby leaned into Regina, “Yeah, not feeling that one.” 

“Nope,” Regina took a long gulp of her wine. 

*****

Meanwhile, Hook ran into the Bulge, Storybrooke’s first male gay bar. All of the patrons stared at the man in leather with a hook with raised eyebrows. Hook sauntered over to the bar where he spotted Archie and August.

“Gentlemen,” Hook nodded at Archie and August. “Has anyone seen a scroll of some kind?”

“You’re here for Regina’s clue?” The bartender wearing angel’s wings motioned for Hook to wait.

“Just helping Emma out, the poor girl has yet to be bedded, so giving a friend a helping hook,” Hook raised his hook to Archie and August who both looked to each other completely perplexed.

The bartender reappeared and gave the scroll to Hook. “Enjoy your evening gentlemen!”

Archie and August watched Hook wander out of the bar.

“Emma and Regina have been railing each other since they first met, right?” Archie turned to August with arched eyebrows.

“Oh yeah, for sure,” August took a sip of his beer.

*****

Regina watched Snow leading Whale over to the table and cursed under her breath.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake Snow. Whale?” Regina said in a raised, angry voice.

“Regina, this town does not have a lot of eligible single people to choose from, you have only yourself to blame for that.”

Regina let out a deep sigh as she went to introduce Whale to Ruby.

“This is Whale…he’s creepy too,” Regina gave a side eye to Snow. “Whale what do you bring to the table for this stunning wilderness woman?”

“Besides being a doctor, I’m an amateur juggler,” Whale said proudly while leering at Ruby.

“Thank you, next,” Regina waved Whale off with a very dismissive hand gesture.

*****

Emma ran into Granny’s Diner to find Granny just arriving as well.

“Hey, I got 9, 3 and 4,” Emma held onto the scrolls she had collected around town.

Granny had a way heavier stack in her hand, “I got 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19.”

“Whoa,” Emma stood back in wonder staring at Granny.

“I got lucky,” Granny shrugged, “And…I love riddles, you got me.”

Hook entered the diner carrying a life preserver. “I found some clues and this large round donut near my ship. This could be a clue.” 

“Nobody found the 25th clue?” asked Emma while twisting the scrolls in her hands.

After laying out all the scrolls on the diner counter, Granny went over and over the scrolls trying to figure out the location of the 25th clue.

“If I only had a little more time,” Granny said in her most dejected tone as she continued to study the clues.

“She’s waiting for me somewhere in Storybrooke and I’m not going to be there,” Emma’s stomach hurt, she really wanted to find all the clues and make Regina happy. Slouching down on the stool she put her arms on the counter to cradle her head.

“Wait…Regina loves you but she also loves being right,” Granny looked at the scattered clues on the counter again and then back up to Emma.

Emma looked up in surprise. “You think she…?”

“Don’t be so ignorant woman, of course she loves you.” Granny smiled at the young, literally clueless woman.

Emma’s face grew warm and her heart swelled, knocking the hurt in her stomach aside. She nodded her head to Granny. And kept nodding her head emphatically as the older woman talked her way through the final clue again.

“I think...hm...Is there something the two of you used to disagree on but you have since come around to her way of thinking?”

“Granny you’re a genius! I know where Regina is!” Emma gave a quick hug and kiss to Granny and sprinted out of the diner.

*****

 _A few minutes later_...Emma ran up to the entrance of Sue’s Salads in Storybrooke where Regina was waiting with a big smile on her face.

“Kale salad,” Regina smiled and walked closer to Emma.

“Yup,” Emma nodded with a forced smile to her girlfriend. Choosing between the woman she loved and the sandwich she loved was a very hard choice, but Regina was winning despite Emma’s great love for the high cholesterol comfort food. 

“At first you did not see the importance of kale salad over grilled cheese sandwiches and now you love them more than I do,” Regina pulled on Emma’s scarf, bringing the two women closer. She leaned in to kiss Emma, her lips exploring her girlfriend’s warm, delicious mouth.

“Yup,” Emma pulled Regina into a hug, wrapping her arms around her waist and burying her face into Regina’s hair. Okay, it was worth it, eating more salads for the woman in her arms. 

“I really tried to make that hard. I’m very impressed with you,” Regina brought their lips together again.

“Eh, some of them were kind of tough,” Emma breathed out in between kisses. She would gladly eat a thousand kale salads to keep kissing Regina for the rest of her life.

Emma followed Regina into Storybrooke’s newest eating establishment, Sue’s Salads, she frowned briefly looking at the big kale salad drawing on the window display.

*****

Ruby walked back from the Rabbit Hole with a little smile on her face. Even though she didn’t get a date on Valentine’s Day, she loved her friends for trying and caring. There wasn’t anybody to date in this small incestuous town anyway. If they ever made The Bachelor: Storybrooke, it would be a nightmare reality show.

Suddenly, off in the distance and up in the sky, Ruby couldn’t believe her eyes – a house appeared to be swept up in a tornado headed towards the outskirts of the woods. The huge crash echoed through the area and Ruby took off running in the direction of the wreckage. Wide eyed she waited to see if the house was going to explode, she had seen that happen a few times in movies in this land with cars. The door of the house creaked open and a figured emerged from the house. Ruby squinted her eyes and cautiously walked closer to the house to get a better look at the shadowy figure through all the smoke and rubble. Ruby’s eyes grew wider when she spied a petite brunette holding a cute, fluffy little dog.

“Is this Kansas?”

“Not quite sweetie, you missed that by a few thousand miles,” Ruby walked over and offered her hand to the striking brunette.

“Hi, I’m Dorothy and this is Toto,” she gestured to the dog nestled in her arms.

Ruby gave Dorothy a huge wattage smile, “Hi, I’m Ruby. Welcome to Storybrooke.” Ruby bit her lip and helped Dorothy and her dog out of the wreckage of the house as they slowly walked through the forest smiling at each other.

*****

 _Later_...after finishing off two kale salads and a vegan brownie, yup, that’s how much Emma truly loved this woman, Regina and Emma finally made it back to the mansion. 

Regina had been instructed by Emma to wait in her bedroom. When the blonde appeared in the doorway, she was wearing knee high red boots, black boy shorts, a white sports bra with a red cape flowing behind her and a silver winged hat on her head while holding a massive hammer in her hand flexing her sculpted arm muscles.

“I made some modifications to the Thor Swan ensemble, hope you approve, my Majesty,” Emma grabbed her cape from behind and did a twirl.

Regina licked her lips; this was the best present ever on this silly romantic holiday.


End file.
